On Faith #1 - Perseverance; Half Truths Are Worse than Lies

Well, this is my first article on faith. Initially, my motivation for this blog was to detail the learning journey as well as food creations but yet, the feeling that I want to detail my faith journey also slowly crept up, I can't deny it, it is a topic very close to my heart and in something that we strived for in a long endurance run in our everyday lives. Why God? God is the centre of our marriage and family life and I resolved to keep it that way. Everyday, I pray to God to keep my family safe and to keep my sanity alive so that I can do my best for them. I am human, I am weak, thus I need the strength, a powerful force outside and stronger of myself to do that. And that is God.

In terms of family life, it has been almost one year since we started saying our daily rosary. We actually made it to about half a year, praying daily. However, there were too many "hiccups", like going back to Singapore or when extended family members are here. We would come back late and be too tired to say the rosary as our strength has waned after making the kids sleep after a long day. Yet, we would always always try our best to resume the next time and I hope that this will not stop. I have been trying to pray the rosary by myself in the mornings right after sending the kids to school. I need guidance and love to begin my day and the rosary is the best for me. I cannot deny sometimes it is tiring and my mind will drift but I will try to pull myself back and give my best focus to God to guide my day well. Otherwise, I would pray at night while looking at the stars in the night sky. The night gives me an indescribable calmness and stillness in my heart. I feel that God can see truly who I am and I can feel His presence in the night. As a SAHM, I struggle with insecurities, sometimes I don't know who I am anymore when I hear my friends or family talking about their salary,their promotions, something that is so foreign to me now. Or else I feel belittled or sensitive that they do not listen to me or I do not have any interesting work stories to share, or do they even talk over me? I do have these thoughts steadily rising in my mind. Only when I return to His presence do I feel more worthy again, dismiss these negative thoughts because I simply do not have time/energy for them and they do not deserve any place in my thoughts as they are just bugs to be flicked away.

One of my favourite blogs for guidance is Fr Luke Fong. His posts always resonates within me and I love to think about what he has written. Last week, he spoke of the spiritual endurance athelete http://www.frlukefong.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-our-spiritual-pursuits-are-unlike.html.. the prime motivation for practising with dedication and consistency is not to have any "highs" but is to sustain a connection with God who is the foundation of my existence. Which is true for me. In the same way, I use it as a guiding light for my children, only when I am faithful, I can teach them to be faithful as well. And not only in big things, but in small things. And saying that it is not easy is an understatement.

Some things that they can do now, praying before their meals. I have also been trying to teach Immanuel to be thankful by thanking God daily for different things but it has stopped after a while when he says "thank you for the cupboard, the bed etc" everyday. Perhaps he was too young last year then. :p Hopefully we can go back to it again, my goal! BUT I must do it for myself too, "train" the mind to be grateful. Sometimes, I can get too busy to remember to be thankful...

A excerpt lately from the homily of Father Andrew at Sacred Heart church that we go to... half truths are more dangerous than lies. At least we will reject lies right away but we accept the half true part of the lie and so accept the part that is a lie as well. In the end, trust breaks down between people when we are not truthful.

Why do mothers love and give the best to their children even when it is difficult at times, not knowing if it will be reciprocated? For me, it is cos God's truths and teaching resonates within me and I know I have to teach them well. At the end of everyday, I hope to feel free and light, knowing I have guided them well... spending time with them makes them feel protected and love and my gift to them is my prescence ( But it also means the percentage of me losing my temper is higher.. hehe) Hopefully, hub and me will be able to bring up our children well in a foundation of truth and light.